Update: I know I have several pages worth of comments and I am slowly making my way through them when I can, responding to every one, good or bad. Right now I have only gotten through comments made prior to 2/20/11. So if you haven’t seen your comment come up yet it just means it is still in the que.
This is not going to be my last blog. Maybe I said that in the heat of my emotions. I don’t know. I will blog again. In a few weeks, I will write a new blog updating everyone.
Michael, February 25th
Original blog begins here-
It’s not looking good. Even if we manage to get out of this month there is next month, and the month after that. Every time I put out a blog asking for money I get many wonderful people who do give and a few who attack me or criticize me for asking like winding up like this was some how my fault. You do realize mental illness does this to families, right? It destroys them, but if you send them away then you have no soul anyway. I have started looking around for other living arrangements. Friends who are real estate agents are looking but they are not hopeful because the only regular income I have is from teaching the two or three classes I still can each semester and it’s not enough. I have talked to the leasing office here about moving back into a two bedroom and I could afford the rent, but can’t prove that I make 3X the amount of rent (because I don’t). They require this. Even if I could somehow fake that, I can’t pay the rent on three apartments simultaneously, which is what would happen during the change-over. A friend referred us to a real estate agent, swearing she could help us, but when I told her how little money we have, she didn’t seem very hopeful. She said, “Good luck” like people do when they know you are screwed, as if they are hoping that maybe, just maybe, the bullet might miss you.
Jani is already freaking out at the idea of moving and will be probably be back in the hospital soon. So all of you who said she would “adjust” fine can go fuck yourselves. She’s not. She is regressing badly. I am not sure she will make it through this. She has done so well and gained so much of her life back in the past two years. Now she may lose it all.
I have to stop this blog for the time being. I have to focus on her and to try and save her. The stress of trying to get the money to pay rent has not helped her, but at this point I don’t see any way out. We need deposits and proof of income exceeding what I make.
So let this be a lesson to you: Nothing is ever as easy as you think it is.
I also have to stop because I just can’t deal with the handful of people who want me to fail. They are a tiny minority, but for some bizarre reason they want Jani in a residential. It will never happen.
My deepest gratitude to those who helped us. I will still do my best to help those with mentally ill children. Go to www.facebook.com/thejanifoundation. Under the “resources” tab of this website you can find our private “Parental Support Group” for parents with mentally ill/spectrum children.
I am not changing my ways. I will remain militant in my fight (sorry, Zell). I have to. Nobody else is doing it.
I just… I just can’t bring myself to write anymore. Not right now. Maybe in time but not right now.
February 19th, 2011.